Heartbreaker

Today something broke my heart. It wasn't my sin (hold on, I'll get there). It hurt deep. How unbearable sometimes! Is it just me and my shallow expectations from a friend of family (I messaged after)? My unloving comparison of what I would have done and how I would have responded? Love I thought I had.

Then I realized, God must have felt the same, heartbroken that is. Countless times I have broken God's heart! And yet those times I was not the slightest bit broken. Unbroken, indeed.

Right then, I felt deep sorrow. How I could hurt for a relationship and not my relationship with God. By the grace of God, I felt sorrow for my sins.

/Sorrow for conditional love.//
Loving. This world has given us so many pictures of it, we confuse its true essence. Without condition. And where expectation begins, hurt is inevitable.

/Sorrow for seeking to learn more than to learn more about God.//
A big fan of learning, I need to be reminded sometimes that there's more to life than learning. Always seeking for the learning in experiences, I have failed to both seek and focus on God's character. Indeed I am witness to this truth: a glimpse of his unfathomable beauty-majesty-love-kindness transforms the heart of even the hardest hearted person one knows (here, myself).

To. The. Next. Level.

At breakfast today this hit me - 9 months into 2012 and I know this is what I needed to hear. It's amazing how God speaks to us in ways countless - I'm convinced.

Instead of settling for the norm, take it to the next level. What. Is. It. That I can do today that I could not yesterday? That I can do better today than yesterday? He reminds me it doesn't have to be a skill like what I need at work (or school), it can be in character.

In my attitude
In giving
In obedience to God
In honoring parents
In loving

If I haven't taken this to heart months into 2012, even years after I first heard the message it doesn't matter. I'm convinced now is a perfect time to start taking it to the next level. His grace enables me to become the person he wants me to be.

Most Concerned

Everyday you listen to me. Everyday you hear me. You're that one person who is most concerned about me, even more than concerns typical of men such as whether I ate or not, whether I'm home safe or not, have had enough sleep or not. You are most concerned about how I feel, whether I am loved, secured, comforted, inspired, happy, empowered and such because indeed you have paid the price already and I need not feel otherwise. You paid the price that I may be victorious in everything, over judgement, over sin, and that final victory where all things sad become untrue.

No words are indeed enough to decribe you indescribable God. You have shown me in this season You are God and You reign. Nothing is impossible - you have shown me. And I pray to remember this always.

My Seven for 2011

from Him. I wanted to write a year-end post - something to make 2011 more meaningful so I wrote down ten things I am most thankful for in 2011. BUT, somehow, it just felt more natural to share something else – these seven – which are not necessarily events, but lessons I have learned in 2011 (Yes, I learned!)

1. More important than what you GET is what you give
Somehow when I heard it in exactly this way (in Tagalog), it made more sense than its equivalent “it's more blessed to give than to receive”, which I have not really taken to heart all these years. I started being serious with saving or investing this year – so I always made it a point to make the most after tithes and savings, and bills. The remaining usually left me with little room for giving – or so I thought! Now, I fully understand that my life (that I have given to Christ) is a life that ought to mirror his character - ALWAYS passionate to give and serve. I also learned that giving need not only be in the form of money, but it can also be in the form of service. Hello 2012 for more opportunities to give!

2. Invest in the Future
As I have mentioned it was this year that I started being serious with saving or investing. Specifically, May this year. I have learned much and am learning more about the art of budgeting and managing my finances. It’s an achievement that I was able to say “no” to Starbucks about 90% of the time, and to lunch outs because I started bringing baon; so much I saved from these two alone. ACTUALLY, I really needed to save, because of the third one.

3. Spend in Experiences
This year, I spent most of my extra money traveling and LEARNING from those travels. I didn’t get any new gadget for the year, but I got to travel. Hooray! This year, I got to visit Beijing and Singapore. Locally, I visited Ilocos, Bohol, Cebu, Davao, Cagayan de Oro and Zambales. I loved each place and also the company. I wouldn’t trade these for even the latest gadget. Next year, I am planning and praying to visit more. Hopefully my new role also allows for as-easy filing for leaves :)

4. Learn as Much as you can
Relating to the previous point, it is most essential that we become open to challenge, change or new opportunities which may help us grow and learn as much as we can. Sometime in 2011 was also the jumpstart of my new role in the company, Project Development in Amaia. I was very excited because I knew it was going to be a great opportunity for learning. Also this year was a move to a new small group, Phoebe Lucero's; I was so blessed to be part of a new group where I experienced new impartations. We can learn from most anything, from work, books, even with the people we spend time with. Indeed I am also so blessed to be learning a lot from my parents, my colleagues, and even my friends. Thank you!!!

5. Fear Not!
I realized that even when I thought I’ve overcome much fear, some of my actions still speak fear all over, and not faith. 2011 was a year marked with fears, and THANKFULLY, victories over these fears – in giving, saving and forgiving, as shared earlier, in speaking (LIFE Seminar and at work), and in failures. When we overcome fear we exhibit faith, which pleases God. Indeed, there is still room for improvement, but I am thankful for this had been a learning pressed even further deep into my heart through my experiences in 2011. Thank you, Lord for being with me. Your presence has helped me overcome my fears.

6. Trust
Sometimes you just have to let go and let God. I'm all for action and standing up for what you believe in, but sometimes he just calls us to trust him. To understand that our battles are his and will ultimately result in victory. This he calls us to everyday, to trust in him. Our trust in him shows when we are able to break walls and open ourselves up to others knowing he is in full control.

7. Things happen for a Reason
And it’s NOT just always “learning from the experience”. Apart from the learning we get out of challenges we face, there is comfort in knowing that the events in our lives are all part of a good pleasing and perfect plan, created by no other but Our God. Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails (Prov 19:21).

And, the purpose or reason is Him. So I end with this. Thank you, Lord for making 2011 meaningful! You made it so!

Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your Truth, we wait eagerly for You, for Your name and Your renown are the desire of our souls (Isaiah 26:8)

He loves me much

There's no better way to start a day than with God. Why all unhealthy thoughts come unfiltered is because I have failed to remind myself of his love in the morning. He loves me much and I would not be able to comprehend the gravity of his love ever. He loves me much and he loves me always. I have seen many times. And yet why do I act like I haven't? What is so hard with trusting and believing?

I do not know what the future holds but one thing I know that I believe is that he loves me much. He loves me much. He loves me always. He loves me much. He loves me always. I'll never grow tired of saying that. He'll never get tired of showing me how true that is.

When tears fall

It's a title of a song we are currently piecing together. What surprises me is what happens within me when such actually happens - where the line after goes, "still I will praise you". I found myself in that situation just last weekend and that moment it occurred I knew I wasn't in the attitude of praising Him - not soon at least.

I prayed and then thanked Him for my life. That moment everything changed. I didn't even deserve any - not even life  - and yet he gave it all. I knew then it was more than enough. Indeed, how blessed I am that I can go through another day, and yet with much blessing too. I am left to be in awe of his wonderful work of love in my life, and my prayer is that I too may learn to love as he did - beyond all reason because he had one reason and purpose.

Unlearning and Re-learning

This weekend and this season... Indeed of unlearning and relearning. For starters...

• Inviting friends to church- not as hard as we think
• There are innumerable ways to show love, one of them service! (apart from time which I so often associate it with)
• Not all series and shows are bad influence...been a while since I last watched a marathon :) loved it :)
• Conditioning is also fun :) even if my entire body hurts until now
• Forgive forgive forgive. Let go of the past and just enjoy time with people like nothing happened. We'll realize they love us as much as we love them, probably more!
• Seeking to understand than to be understood, takes practice
• Remember birthdays, not rely on Facebook! Such an enlightenment
• It helps to dress up well each day each moment; more and more I am also learning to appreciate and value taking care of my skin and body for God. Yes, we can do everything for God. 
• Love love love. I am not always sure, but I can ask, "What would Jesus do?" He is within us and he will show us how. indeed, he will.
• If we can spend going out with friends, probably lavishly spending going out... we can definitely do the same with family :) if we are willing to cook for friends, we can do the same for family
• It's never too early to prepare for the future. We can ask, "what am I doing now to prepare for the future, for the fulfillment of dreams we are in faith for?"
• We can learn from all peoples. All walks of life. Sooo thankful God has surrounded me with people I can learn from, for Him allowing things to happen the way they did. Indeed, he knows well
• Passionate doesn't always have to be just sometimes :)
• Practice
• Grace. We received from Him. Grace we can give as well. Yes, people don't always have to deserve things to be given them. Let God be God.
• Be strong and courageous. God is the source our strength

A virtue of the brave

Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave- Gandhi

A coward indeed i am. To overlook an offense. One of the first things I learned in small groups. How easily I take it lightly. I expect too much of people that I take it against them that they did not consider how others would feel aka how I would feel. 

Only when we have seen how much Jesus overlooked in us- are we able to overlook the offense of others. The gravity of our offense he didn't just overlook; he wiped it away from his memory as if we never did it. 

Our hope is in Him

Hope. It isn't something people always have. Sad but true.

• An intern who went through the motions of an 8-hour job, without sight that it could turn into an opportunity for a career after grad; 
• A fresh grad who refuses to take a first job outside her "passion" and stays idle, not knowing a job could be venue to pursue her passion in the near future and provide her with valuable training; 
• A teenager compromising her convictions and placing her security in relationships, not knowing God has well laid out his plans for romance with purpose at the right time. 

We have had several opportunities given to hope in God, but it’s not always that we put our hope in him. I could have gone through any of these experiences without hope, but I thank God he has shown me where hope comes from. Our hope is in Him.

We hope in God for doing so alters our perception on our current position, current location and current influence. We hope in Him for He is faithful and well able to carry out the plans He has for our lives. We hope in Him for He desires that we do; he desires to perform miracles in our lives so that His name will be glorified. We hope in Him for there is great purpose in why he has allowed and willed for us to be in the place where we are today.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him. (Ps 62:5)

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
It is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD. (La 3:25-26)

Have it His way

Does not mean we can, we should

Does not it is not wrong, it is right

Does not mean we feel it, it is true

Does not mean it can be used for His purposes, it will be

Ask, why?

Often times I just want to have my own way. In thought, I know (or believe I know) I do not desire anything outside His will, that what I desire is right and will fulfill His purposes. It may and can - but - does not mean it does. For often times, I fail to submit - not to expect my will to be done, but to be open for His (not my own) ways to work out and allow me to grow and see His greater purpose. Always His desire is for me to believe, trust and surrender - leaving me seemingly powerless, but enabling His power to be at work in my life. He loves me that much.